| my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me... |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|08:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | trendy ~Reel Big Fish | ] |
OMG so much has happened in thelast few days its unbelievable saturday Marchingband championships...first place class three ...best music...bast color gaurd best drum major... and a tie with danbury for best overall effect...Sunday was the parade then katie came over to helpme organize whata huge help!!! i cant thank her enough...that night i hung out with mke we watched jay and silent bob strike back ...good time...Monday i found out Dane Cook was comming to Fairfeild...FAIRFEILD!!!!OMG so close... DANE COOK is my hero.. hee hee hee!!I didnt go to work monday but relaxed and went grocery shoppin with my mom and did homework early... why is sleep such a luxury nowadays?...Today i discovered that Mrs. Sullivan is th absolute coolest teacher in the school I always enjoyed her class something about he teaching style i guess.. but she said one of the most positive encouraging things to me in a while...I guess its just good to know you have people there who care about you i went to work and did nothing today... but hey whatever i need a break sometimes to prioritize.. band practice tonight was pretty unproductive i had an interesting conversation with dave he's a great guy...thn mike drove me home ike he alwas does hes so good to me we talked tonght about a lot o stuff its comforting to know he cares so much...half days are great.. this week isnt shapign up to be so bad after all |
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| I hope you're as happy as you're pretending... |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|08:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hotel California ~Eagles | ] |
I think just about every other one of us band dorks has said it but I must contribute !st place at Norwalk by tres puntos count em' three oo what now biotch lol...im done... AS pessamistic as I feel right now im tired of being negative although i knew todays outcome would be what it was for the most part i cant help longing for something more things will just take time to work themselves out ..time is the only thing that heals all wounds i suppose...I am gunna bomb tomorrows math quiz but its all good.. it's really cold in my house right now...just thought i would share with everyone... I can't wait until thursday and the day off it is deff. gunna be nice to have the day off.. I didnt go to work today after the events of this afternoon i just couldnt bring myself to I felt too horrible I keep telling myselfthat i will be out of this slump soon everyone will and to keep my hopes up so that is what I'll do go to bed each night with the hope that tomarrow will be better and eventually I suppose it will... I had a very long talk with Dave perret at Norwalk it makes me feel so foolish that I never took the time to get to know him earlier... It makes me feel like i am not an excepting enough person just because I never took the time to find out who he really was but at the same time gives me hope for the human race... I was at work the other day and a guy came to pick up his dog and on the last day the dog was supposed to get groomed but it never did he got that look like most customers do when they are about to bitch you out and i was like uhg i dont want to deal with this but instead he was like o its ok whatever happened happened smiled and left with his dog.. It made my day im a dork i know but it gave me hope for humanity...I don't know what I would do without Mike it seems like the world is falling apart around me but he is always so constant and there for me I mean hes so supportive people give him such a horrible reputation but in all seruiousness he is so sweet he literally worries himself sick over me sometimes and he makes me so happy. Hes there for me no matter what and it just feels so good to have that stability to fall back on through all of this... where would I be without the people who care for me the most.. wow this post is getting so long alright im done lol. |
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| And all the roads we have to walk are winding and al the lights that lead us there are blinding... |
[Nov. 5th, 2004|10:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | vermilion prt. 2 slipknot | ] |
Today was one hell of a day I woke up early this morning and my mom made me eggs I made te bus and school was the normal grnd. SOmetimes I feel like I'm exacting some form of perpetual motion.... It will never end. I went to work after school whcih was boring but I get money so it kinda evens out ... i guess. I was supposed to go to Kelly's Birthday party but I could not attend for reasons that will remain undisclosed umless I feel you are worthy of my confidence. I feel bad aparetly Britt calld without me knowing but tonight was rough and my mom somehow ened up with my cell phone... I am not looking forward to band tomorrow however it is Norwalk and I hope we do well I would really like to take place at championships we are so better then Danbury lol...I have also come to the onclusion that school is onl a government run indoctrination center used to meld the minds of students to their will strip them of any individuality and shove them back into the community as a soul-dead member of the consumer party we are like a science project... abnormal ammounts of stress piled upon enormous responibility combined with worry and confusion causing a synergistic effect. All high school is in essence is a god damn mental hospital of youth experiencing these horriblemental burdens plus their own changing self craking in different mental illnses .. we are all just a collection of mental illness used as a sick experimental joke...I hope college is better...I hope this so called "real" world I am being prepared for is a hell of a lot better than this... Wh am I so damn bitterly cynical... I guess I'm just not ready for this world or his life my expectations are just too high for the standards of this world. The shear ignorance of our high school is astounding ... The ratio of actual thinking life forms to th rest of our pathetic school is ridiculous... will tings always be this way? I hope not I just dont understand why there is not enough time in a da for everything to get done...I oer analize things way to much. |
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| And I said what about breakfast at Tiffany's... |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|10:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Only one yellow card | ] |
I cannot!@#$%^&^&* stand Euro I am no good at history and no matter how freaking hard I try I will never bee Im tired of stupid math because I cant do it she doesnt teach in a way that is comprehensive to me even easy concepts I should be nailing Im just not getting i feel like I'm drowning and there is no one who can help me and when people try !@#$ just blows up in my face and there is no chance for redemption it figures. Grades are closing and Im freaking out about stupid @#$% again like oh no what if colleges dont want me and what if I am not good enough for vet school and oh gee what if i fail at life forever and how i am not going to go anywhere and end up horrifically depressed and alone all my life without my dreams.. but it cant be much worse than this its too much stress for one person work, band, school, and actually trying not to board myself in with out a life there is no balnce..why cant i have balance...I am unorganized and will forever be that way I cant do any of this anymore I cant lie there are great parts to my life but they dont come without great effortand sometimes i get so cought up in everything i dont know if its even worth it. Why do i overanalize everything!!! I need to sleep and never wake up but even my dreams are discontent and muddled I think with the new marking period a new clean slate to work from will develop and I can go from there I just need to continue to plow through this and pray for the end of marching season two more weks !I just keep telling myself that and the school year is one fourth over and if I can just hold on for the end of amrching band I can make it... All of this because I cant find my $%^& Euro book but it feels aazing to just let things go and vent... Well there is my venting. Other than that today was just another daywith the same old beginning and end. |
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| ... just don't expect to get your bloody black back-pack back! |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|10:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bullet with butterfly wings smashing pumpkins | ] |
The last few days have been very eventful and such a strange mix of polor opposite ups and downs that I have no clue what is going on. Halloween was sooo much fun!! I will remember that forever. The evil dead was hysterical. Girls getting raped by trees does life get much better... i submit that it cannot! PORNO! PORNO! I think that 52 inuendos are not enough for steve's wood either lol. SOme one needs to get all of my halloween candy away from me. Having today off was nice we should do it more often but I would maybe like to sleep in and not go to work or band although I cant complain much about work but even though I am working less hours then ever righ now I still feel like I work to damn much...I really need to finish my homework. Band tonight was rough everyone needs to pull together now more then ever we have what it takes to sweep everyone away at championships. Tonight was a turning point in me and melissa's relationship I hope she realizes I will always be there for her no matter what happens no matter how difficult things get I love her to death. Speaking of people I love to death Mike keeps me so grounded if it weren't for him I would either lose it or break someone's skull. Oh well Euro beckons..uhg good night. |
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| You never cease to amaze me, You keep m from goin' crazy... |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wonder Wall ~oasis | ] |
What a day... I woke up exhausted i probably would have felt just as crappy not sleeping at all th never ending pileof work seems to now be forming its own colony while i drift by getting burried. Overall if i had to rate the day it was not as bad as to be expected.
i dressed up as the scare crow with britt as dorothy( or some beer chick from oktoberfest lol) and erika as the wicked witch. It was lots of fun. I bombed my spanish test though.:( After school I went to work what ese is new... I think I wor too much but I feel like I don't work enough all at the same time. It was pretty boring but more work than usual I have a feeling this weekend is gunna be hectic there...It's a shame I wont be there. Whoo hoo I cannot wait for our first homeshow.. . I hope everything goes smoothly even if everything doesnt iis ok bacuase it will still be a worth while experience. After work I went to Britt's house and we made candy apples and listened to music and took stupid pictures digital camera ... it was great.. like old times.. I miss alll of that. Then I had to come home cuz my mom took my cousin to the circus for her B-day she loved it so it was worth it. Plus Mike stopped by for a visit he makes me so happy. It's a good feeling to know someone cares about you and you're appriciated. So today didnt shape up tobe as awful as I thought and i still have the whole weekened ahead of me. Well time fo slep becase I gota be up bright and early for band! Never thought I would be so phsyched to say that.good night. |
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| You're the one steppin on the back of my shoes |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|09:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jet Pack ~Eve 6 | ] |
I got bored working on homework so I decided to write stuff down... it is kinda nice to have a place to put my thoughts and maybe get the occasional feed back. So I didn't go to school today I kinda decided I wasn't going out of no where because I was really over tired I was deffinitely getting burned out it was nice I just slept till noon. The lunar eclipse is beautiful I remember last year at championships it happened as well I will always remember that:). I hope I am not bombarded by make up work tomorrow and I know I can't take the math quiz or I will fail beyond belief. Band was not bad tonight it was not too cold for a change I really hate not moving around for that reason. Afterward Mike drove me home... things are really starting to develop into a solid relationship between us and I think a lot of other things will fall into place. I think the emotional stability others offer me allows for me to be mentally stable myself and with the way things have been going as of late I think stability is exactly what I need in my life to facilitate me in clearing my mind and sorting my thoughts. |
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| I'm not the only one that walks betwen the rain... |
[Oct. 26th, 2004|03:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tool scism | ] |
I am not quite sure what made me decide to start one of these things but I suppose that is what everyone says when they first start writting in a live journal. The last few days have ben hetic and full of ups and downs i guess things are finally starting to catch up with me...sigh...I left for camp Rell on thursday to do a natural helpers traning which is always fun bu a lot of hard work I had a blast playing the alphabet game with Doug like we did six years ago on our first retreat. I got to talk really in depth with Melissa again which was beyond words I felt like I was losing a best frinds for a while we have been so distant I can not quite put my finger on why we have been she bit my head off about her hair i meant no harm just that it looks brighter with two coats like last time,but oh well. Sturday was just the usual another marching competition, but we took first which is always such an amazing feeling. Sunday was more pleasant than I expcted I spent the morning with Mike:) he always make me smile...I just feel so persecuted by the whole situation in general I suppose. UHG I NEVER meant to hurt Lindsey in anyway... I just people would learn not to talk about things they don't understand or know the whole story. Admittedly I may have made a mistake but that is not anyone else's business. I just hope I didn't jepordize our new forged friendship. Later that night I carved pumpkins at Britt's it was the best she is someone else i haven't been fair to in a long time. As for now I'm swimming in make-up work and know there are some internal issues I must work out but all things come in time. I trust things will work out the way they were meant to. |
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